Brokenly Bright
by LarielRomeniel
Summary: Memory is a tricky thing. Especially when it's been tampered with. Tosh-centric, gen.


**Author's Note: **Written for the "Writer in a Drawer" competition on LiveJournal. Don't own.

* * *

"Jack?" Toshiko's voice was a whisper, her hands pressed to her temples as she swayed in his doorway. "Jack…I…I can't…."

Before he could reach her, she collapsed.

* * *

"She said she had a headache!" Owen complained as Jack laid Tosh down on the autopsy room table. "How was I to know it wasn't just one of those—female things?"

"Maybe because you're a doctor!" Jack snapped.

"Can you manage not to be a tosser for one minute?" Gwen demanded. She stood on the steps next to Ianto. Owen scowled up at her before turning his attention back to Tosh, checking her pulse.

"She's taken a lot of paracetamol and drunk quite a bit of coffee in the past few days," Ianto offered. He shrugged when Jack glanced up at him. "I didn't mention it because, well, I thought it was one of those female things too." He looked over at Gwen apologetically. "Sorry."

Gwen waved off the apology. "It's all right.

"Oh, I get the picture. It's all right for Ianto, but I'm a tosser," Owen griped. "Heart rate and respiration are normal," he said. "Looks like she's working too hard. How late has she been going home?"

"Six o'clock," Jack answered. "Which you'd know if you hadn't been slipping out early lately. Don't think I haven't noticed."

Owen lifted one of Tosh's eyelids up to check her pupils. "I didn't get the memo…is this 'Pick On Owen Day?'"

"Until you start coming up with some answers, yes!" Jack answered.

"Then out of my way and let me work!" Owen growled. He reached for an antiseptic swab and a needle.

Tosh woke just as Owen finished the blood analysis. "Welcome back, Sleeping Beauty!" he gre

* * *

eted her. "Or should I say 'Not-Sleeping Beauty?' Your monoamine balances are shot to hell, Tosh! And look at that EEG!" He waved a hand at his computer monitor. "What are you doing at night?"

"I…eat and then I go to bed!" She reached up to feel the electrodes stuck to her forehead. "I have been sleeping, Owen. But when I wake up…my head is pounding and I can't think. "

"From these readings, I'm not surprised," Owen said. "You might be sleeping but you're not dreaming."

Jack moved to look at the monitor. "Monoamines, Owen?"

"Neurotransmitters," Owen replied. "They're supposed to rebalance during REM sleep. Rapid Eye Movement. But going by this, Tosh hasn't gotten any REM sleep in about two weeks."

Jack thought for a moment. "Since we got exposed to that Tiranean gas? Tosh, you haven't had a dream since then?"

She looked bewildered. "I don't know, Jack. I can't remember."

"We breathed that gas, too, Jack," Gwen said. "Why isn't it affecting us?"

"Well, there's one other thing I found in Tosh's blood," Owen said, pressing a button on the keyboard. A chemical diagram opened on the monitor. "Jack, this compound is damned close to Retcon."

Recognizing the chemistry, Jack blew out a breath "It _is_ Retcon. Version 1.0."

"I was _Retconned?"_

"What do you mean, Version 1.0?"

"The stuff they used in London?"

"Will this to happen to me too?"

Jack held up both hands. "Hold it, everyone. Tosh, I didn't know. But it looks like Torchwood One Retconned you before assigning you here. Ianto, check the records and see if you can find out why."

"I'll try," Ianto answered, "but most of Torchwood One's personnel records were destroyed in the battle."

"Do what you can," Jack said as Ianto headed back upstairs. "Gwen, you got _my_ special blend of Retcon, remember? Version 2.0. A bit different to what they used in London." Time Agency-tested, unlike the version Torchwood One had created. "Looks like Version 1.0 is interacting with that gas."

Owen nodded. "Makes sense. Retcon works by rearranging neural patterns so that your memories get changed." He pulled up the EEG record. "Tosh, I think that the memories are trying to break through, and that's stopping the REM sleep."

"Can you do anything about it?" Tosh asked. "Can you get my memories back?"

Owen rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "I don't know if I can do both, Tosh."

"Then just…do what you can."

* * *

Gwen woke Tosh from a fitful doze. Owen held a needle up in front of her. "They used to think the best cure for a hangover was more alcohol. Called it the hair of the dog that bit you. That's what's in here."

"More Retcon?" Tosh asked. "Version One?"

Owen nodded. "I made a few small changes to counteract the Tiranean chemistry. And there is a sedative here to help you sleep again. With dreams this time." He paused. "You still won't remember whatever they made you forget. And you won't remember that you don't remember, either. But you will be all right."

She regarded the needle for a moment, then settled back, gripping Gwen's hand. "Can't miss what I don't know I had. Do it, Owen."

Jack looked down and watched Owen administer the shot. Ianto sidled next to him and handed him a file. "Here's what I found, Jack. Spotty…but telling."

He opened the file and started reading. _Albion Hospital, 2005…that's when the Slitheen tried to start World War Three…she met the Doctor then! And I never knew…_

He looked over at Ianto. "What's this?" He pointed to a line that read, "Code Lethe."

"Lethe. The river of oblivion. Yvonne's way of ordering Retcon." Ianto shook his head. "Tosh is lucky. Some people Yvonne Retconned forgot everything they ever knew." He looked back over at Jack. "Will she be all right?"

Jack didn't answer for a long moment, staring down at Tosh. Finally, he said, "Retcon just hides the memories. They're still there." He looked back up at Ianto. "I don't know."

_I keep some portion of my early gleam;  
Brokenly bright, like moonbeams on a river,  
It lights my life, a far illusive dream,  
Moves as I move, and leads me on forever._

--John Townsend Trowbridge, _Twoscore and Ten_


End file.
